I was speaking with a woman who had Dad living with her. Dad has dementia and it is progressing. She just doesn't feel like she can continue to care for him at home anymore.
Of course, this decision comes with a myriad of emotions and questions.
I first assured her, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!"
Although she is the power of attorney, the decision maker, the be-all and end-all for her Dad, she is not alone. There is a village able to support her in this decision making process.
I asked her about her dad. What does he seem to enjoy doing? What did he do for work? Did he ENJOY his work? what were his hobbies? Getting to know the person will help drive the decision of what type of community he will feel comfortable. Also, what is important to the daughter (or whoever is in charge of decision making for the loved one)? Make a list for both people/persons involved.
Now, what are some options:
The first that comes to mind is Memory Care neighborhoods. There are some communities that are strictly memory care. Staff are specially trained in working with these residents. There are usually nurses on staff most of the day and night. The units are secure but allow plenty of space for residents to wander and explore. They provide meals, activities and usually they provide the furniture etc... I would visit several times at different times. Be sure that the facility is clean! Ask for references from family members of other residents. Make sure you know what kind of license they possess. Can your loved one live there for the rest of his/her life? Do they accept medicare? Veteran's Benefits? Hospice? And find out about extra costs.
Then you come to Assisted Living Facilities with memory care neighborhoods inside. Again, ask the same questions. Visit at different times. Meet the staff. Remember there are three different shifts of staff. Talk to different family members of the residents. Most of these family members will start off with complaints, but ask them why they are still there. What in particular keeps them there?
There are new smaller assisted living memory care homes opening in neighborhoods. These are licensed facilities. Smaller with maybe a dozen residents at the most. They advertise it is a much lower cost; but do they provide everything your loved one needs? Look closely! Safety is priority. If you know your loved one is Houdini, make sure this type of situation is Houdini-proof. Make sure the staff is well-trained in the best practices of dementia care.
Finally, still want your loved one to sleep at home, but need to keep them busy during the day? There is always Adult Day Centers all over. These facilities are also licensed (make sure!) and offer trained staff, two to three meals a day. Some centers offer personal care like showers. Others may offer rides to medical appointments or have doctors come in house for check ups. Again, some may advertise low costs, but be sure they offer what your loved one needs!
Sometimes the best situation is not right down the street. It may be a short drive. But you have to decide what is BEST for your LOVED ONE! It may not be what is easiest for you.
I said earlier: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" and I mean it. There are quite a few people who are willing to work with anyone on the dementia journey. We do the leg work and visit all of these places, we get to know the staff, we get to know the families. We want to assist you in your journey. There is no cost to families as we assist you in finding the best living situation for your loved one.
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